Self Dyscovery.
My Path to Medicine
A few months after my diagnosis, I applied to nursing school. Since I was a teenager, I wanted to pursue a career in health care. My grandmother, an accomplished nurse leader who started two nursing schools, has always been my greatest role-model. She exemplifies what it means to prioritize the celebration of others through caretaking, leadership, and striving to improve delivery of care- all of the things I hope to emulate through my future career.
Me, on the right, on a field trip with my classmates to UCI medical school, being inspired at an early age.
My plan was to go to nursing school immediately following my retirement from swimming. So, once I decided I was going to stop competing, I quickly threw my application together, and received acceptance a few months later. I committed to attending, excited about having a plan, after more than a year of feeling lost, confused, and unproductive.
While experiencing brain fog, excitement, and distraction by my new romantic interest, I forgot to submit my deposit to the school to secure my spot for that year’s incoming class. Admissions gave my spot away.
After the initial shock, breakdown, and confusion about how I let that happen, I eventually was able to laugh about it. I concluded that I probably wasn’t even healthy enough to begin full-time school anyway.
“This is probably for the best,” I told myself.
I ended up being offered a spot again on the waitlist, but turned it down, feeling like all of this happened for a reason.
My boyfriend, Louis, who I only met because life took me on this crazy and unexpected journey, asked me, “have you ever considered going to medical school?”
I laughed, recounting interactions with one of my professors at Stanford that would consistently ask me, “why don’t you just become a doctor?” As if it is that simple.
Louis kept asking, encouraging, and even doing research for me. He said he’d help in any way that he could, knowing I would love a career as a physician. I was confident that I was going to stick to my original plan, thinking it was the more manageable route.
I had always known that I was a hard worker and felt like that was how I got through school. But, as an athlete, I wasn’t willing to compromise on my athletic performances to take on a premed schedule during college.
I felt overwhelmed by the amount of material I would have to learn quickly to prove myself a worthy candidate for acceptance into a medical school.
Louis said, “You know you can get into nursing school. That will always be an option. Why don’t you go for a new challenge? You can do it, no problem. You can contribute what you want to as a doctor.”
I have always loved a good challenge and, honestly, I was ready for a new one.
So, after pushing back for weeks, I gave that same professor that had pestered me for years a call.
I told him that I was considering going to medical school. He said, “I have been waiting for this call. You have my recommendation, and you should apply now.”
In my head, I am thinking, “I don’t think he realizes I am missing most of the prerequisites, have not studied for the MCAT (the required medical school entrance exam), and the application cycle had long begun.”
After expressing my concerns, he told me I would be a great candidate and should apply this year, “The application process is becoming more wholistic, you have a good shot.”
I hung up, and told my boyfriend, “I guess I’m going for it.”
I signed up for an MCAT prep course, spent a very stressful month studying, and took the exam. I then started writing what seemed like thousands of essays, trying to express my interest and potential to positively contribute to the medical field.
Without the encouragement and confidence from those around me, I would have never taken this step on my own.
I wish I could say that I knew with 100% certainty that I was on the correct path when I made this decision. I think I partially accepted the idea of medical school because I wanted to make progress towards my future career. And I noticed that preparing for the MCAT, reflecting on my experiences when writing a personal statement, and simply having something else to work towards somehow awakened me. I saw part of me that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I was ready for my next challenge. And taking the first step revealed that to me.
It wasn’t until a few months later when I had the opportunity to work with my physician and shadow in his clinic, that I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I left my first day in the clinic crying. After sitting in on new patient consultations, I couldn’t believe what these patients were experiencing, even though I had gone through some of it myself. I was devastated for each and every person that came through the door, unable to enjoy the activities that they used to pour themselves into, unable to go to school.
My doctor offered them hope, often the first time they had ever been welcomed by a medical professional with open arms. The complexity and mystery of some of the patients’ illnesses often left other doctors stumped.
I don’t want others to suffer like I did. I realized that would be my motivation moving forward.
I was also given the perspective of being grateful for the situation that I was in. Even though I am having to manage my medications, stay on top of hydration, wear compression gear in the heat, and make other sacrifices regularly, I am still able to do a lot. I feel called to help those that are out there, have yet to reach a diagnosis, and to find a doctor that is able and willing to take care of them. I had solidified my intention to enter the profession.
In the spirit of being transparent, I have to be honest in saying that I have had some not-so-wonderful encounters with physicians. Nursing has been voted as the most trustworthy profession for many consecutive years in a row. I was proud to have the opportunity to contribute to and be associated with that culture. I feel like I relate more to the spirit of nursing in how they deeply connect with their patients, aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty, and are always by their patient’s side, even when the doctors walk away.
But I also know that unfortunately “ ,MD “ carries some more weight when it comes to research and making large changes in health care. After thinking about it for some time, I came to believe that my mission will be best accomplished as a physician.
I later expressed this sentiment to my doctor, and he said that his role allows him to do a lot of nursing. He spends more extensive time with his patients than most physicians. He also has a very small care team and that allows him to share more of the time with his patients. And I realized that I don’t have to conform to the practice of others and will have the ability to bring nursing values into my work as a doctor. And that is really exciting.
When it came time to receive interview invitations from medical schools, I was offered two- my top two choices. I received a rejection letter from everywhere else.
“How’s it feel to be rejected?” My sister asked me, with a grin, knowing there have been few times in my life that I had been “rejected” or had “failed.”
I interviewed with both schools. Then I had to wait. Months.
As I was heading out of the house one morning to go to the gym, I picked up my phone, which had two missed calls and a text message from an unknown number. So, I open up the text and it read:
“Hello, Ella, the admissions committee has voted to offer you acceptance to Stanford University School of Medicine. Congratulations!”
My heart rate spiked. Wanting to make sure that what I read was correct, I immediately called that number back.
The dean of the School of Medicine answers, and says, “Ella! Did you get my message?”
I blurt out “Oh my god!” And burst into tears. “Thank you so so much, oh my goodness, I can’t believe this is happening.”
It was crazy to experience a moment where it felt like all of my dreams were coming true. After all the lows I had experienced over the past two years, this was an exceptional high. The conversation wasn’t long, but it was one I will remember forever. Whenever I look back, I have a physical response and my heart rate increases and sometimes even feel short of breath.
When I hung up, I called my short list of family and friends that I was dying to tell. I spent the afternoon excitedly sharing the news. By 6 pm, I was exhausted having used up all the emotional energy that I had.
In a conversation later, Louis told me that my acceptance to Stanford Medicine “is an even bigger accomplishment than making the Olympics would have been” and I agreed.
Swimming was comfortable. Swimming was familiar. That accomplishment would have been sweet, but not something out of the realm of possibility. This, though, was unfamiliar territory. A territory that I am really proud I jumped into, willing to take the risk of failure.
A year previously, I would have never expected that my life would have taken this turn. I would not have been able to dream this up for myself. I owe my support system the credit.
As I have mentioned before, there is no replacement for personal experience. The inspiration I have found in relationships with my health care team, sponsorship partners, and fellow patients keeps me committed to putting myself through more years of education to make a difference.
My motivation to pursue medicine is the same as why I created Dysunderstood. So those that are suffering with their health will feel understood, supported, and have a source of hope.
I will strive to do everything in my power to listen, understand my patients, communicate sympathetically, advocate, and seek answers for those that struggle to find them.
Thank you to our primary sponsor, Vitassium by Salt Stick.
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